What I Wish I Knew and Had Been Told In My 20's

I came across an interesting talk given by Meg Jay, a clinical psychologist of California. The topic of her speech, "30 Is Not the New 20". Before even reading the transcript as I find it easier than having more noise going with my kids watching ghost stories (they actually enjoy it), I thought about the topic and had to agree. 30 is NOT the new 20. I've heard it before and never quite understood it. To me it's comparative to that old saying, "There are starving kid's in China". My response once as a child was, "Well, then why can't we give it to them?" So my response to 30 not being the new 20 is, "Then why don't we give our 30's to the 20's?" What I mean by this is that twentysomethings should prep for their thirties because I so far have not found it to be a joy ride. Again, I am only 31 going on 32.

Jay told her story of how she started out in the clinical practice and how it seemed that at first 30 being the new 20 was true. Until she met a client later on that felt she had an identity crisis at the tender age of 25. Well, doesn't this sound familiar to me? I have felt that way for about three years. After feeling that most of my friends from high school had more of their life together than I had, I starting working on college. Better late than never, though I do wish I had started with college first before kids, but thus this did not happen and I do not regret my kids. Little did I know that much of my friends from high school, who are younger than me by two years (I graduated at a late age due to being held back when I was young), were just now going to college. So I wasn't alone in starting late after having kids. I am not saying having kids after 30 is something to be done since college is very important. I am saying that I could have just as easily ignored being to over zealous in my twenties and gone through college first like I'd originally planned and then have kids at 25 like I planned. I am also not saying that not living your 20's and partying aren't to be done. Go ahead, I don't care. Do a few dumb things but nothing so stupid you mess up your life.

Now reading Jay's transcript she noted that living it up shouldn't be extended another 10 years. Because in your 30's it's harder to start going to college, to have kids, to get the job you have always wanted, etc. And IT IS. There are more bills, more responsibilities already added on. the suggestions jay gave were to claim your adulthood: Do it now so that you can have an easier 30's, get identity capital: start on an internship take safe risks that will define more of who you are later on, use weak ties: expand your social network because using friends of friends that you don't know very well can actually help you look for work (this by no measure means to ignore your close friends, just expand who you know), pick your family: I have a few friends that I call brothers or sisters that aren't blood that I can still lean on for support, and don't regret not getting to know what you didn't know or didn't do.

I sort of claimed my adulthood. Though I just wish I had gone to college sooner so that I could have a better job now. Doing it while having a young family isn't easy though I was young when I started having kids. I am barely starting to get my identity capital. This also hasn't been easy as I have to compete with people younger than me already doing this. I know what jobs would help me with my education and hopeful future profession but it's harder getting into it at my age. Pursuit of Happyness may have shown that it is never too later to start getting an identity capital but it also showed how hard it is starting late. I have expanded my weak ties and it did help me get a second job for six months. I may have to do it again to get better work as I am unhappy with what I do now. So I understand how valuable this can be. I also have weak but strong ties in writing and I should hone those ties to get more side work. I have talked about my family already. As for the last part of not regretting what I didn't learn or do, well it's too late for that. But I hope to make up for it now. I try to learn something new everyday because as my step-father says, the day is not complete unless you do learn something new everyday.

Oh and also Jay recommended working on your marriage before you get one. Not necessarily like marriage counseling but working on the type of relationship you want. Avoid the toxic relationships. If it isn't working for you don't settle. This is something that may only be learned but it should be strongly emphasized to students in school. They have early intervention parenting classes with babies an eggs, why not learning about marriage also? Like the episode of Boy Meets World when Cory and Topanga had to pretend to be married and work out how the marriage and parenting would be. It isn't easy and they had to work on themselves. If only I had the chance to do this in school and not as a small project but as a year long academic plan. It should be required in school if you ask me. Along with early intervention of being a parent.

Well, I think today's topic was great. Now, here is the link for the video and transcript for Meg Jay's talk http://www.ted.com/talks/meg_jay_why_30_is_not_the_new_20.html