Experience of Age: A Plus During the 30's Crisis

One thing I have learned in life is that the phrase, "If I knew then what I know now" is always going to apply to life and honestly if any of us knew anything now then, then there would be know point of learning from your mistakes because the wisdom and knowledge you had would be beyond your years but you never learn anything new. It is much better to reflect, though not too deeply as it is not a good idea, and learn. Getting to your thirties seems to have a person do a lot of reflecting. Because as a child, you only reflect to learn good and bad, as a teen you reflect to find your place socially, as a young adult into your twenties, well for me I don't think I did much of that during that time. I can't say how many people do much reflection in the point in their lives as they are starting out in their adult lives and living it. I have mentioned what many of us experience once we hit our thirties. I'm still starting out in this so I hope to tell what I experience to you as the topic doesn't seem to be tossed about too much. What I have come to realize today is that my experience with depression growing up and the hardships I faced are of much of my reflection.

My niece is a sweet and amazingly beautiful young fourteen year old. I worry about how much older she looks as since she doesn't really know what to do with it and it tends to land her in trouble. Mostly because she is taken advantage of and she lets it happen. Looking for acceptance in the wrong places because of it. her life hasn't been very easy. her mother is a drug addict who neglected her and her younger brother. God knows where her mother is now. I remember her well. She seemed to want a life that later on she abandoned after giving birth. Leaving my brother to raise his child alone. My niece, let's call her Grace, has long since been an individual with ADHD. Now that she is a teen it only plays into her issues of trying to break away from her dad. Because like many teens, they want to be separate from their parents and be grown up. It really isn't all that glamorous and I'd rather just read a book and watch old time cartoons. Sadly, these need to be separate has her down a very destructive path of drugs and self abuse of her own flesh.

Now, while the drugs concerns me because of her tender age and the fact it could lead to something more severe, it's the self abuse she inflicts upon herself with anything sharp with with an eraser attached. The other day she caught me on my lunch break at work and came running up to me and hugging me. If I'd been standing I surely would have been knocked over. She was with some friends. Now, it was just the tip of the iceberg that her behavior was more erratic than usual. I could only think of a particular drug that would have done this but I wont say what. it was when she took off her coat complaining that it was too hot that I saw her right arm. I didn't say anything. It was so badly cut up that a wood chipper might as well gotten a hold of her. After she hugged me again and left with her friends, I extended my lunch break and called my parents, who in charge of her care since her fathers seems to have just abandoned her. That's another story. I told them what I saw and they understood my concern. As I suffered from my own issues as a teen and knew full well that if something wasn't done, it could lead to something worse if intervention wasn't taken. I will be making phone calls to see if I find a way around getting her help since her father refuses to sign paperwork allowing it under my parents consent. My niece is mad at me for saying anything. But any honestly caring person would say something and have to deal with the anger of a teen. I know from my own experiences that this is nothing to ignore.

This is one of the things I wish I could change about myself. I regret very few of my actions as a teen but then again I wouldn't be where I am and I have a better understanding of life because of it. Getting older does this. For some, it takes a while to get to this point for others they get here sooner than they may want. So while my nice may hate being confronted in more care than trying to hurt her, she doesn't realize than experience on the subject does matter and that's why as we get older, we can use our experiences to help the younger generation understand that we aren't the bad guys. Yes, there really are some, but let's not include those. I hope that everyone as they get older don't try to criticize what they don't understand even with concern. I also have experienced this. Maybe some of us who are the good guys never went through the same or similar difficulties, but it nonetheless doesn't mean we don't care.

I love you my niece. I hope someday you'll look back and know that what I do is out of love and I never wanted to hurt you.