What is Happiness?

What is happiness? Most would answer that happiness is when you are feeling great with no worries. Some say happiness is warm blanket, Charlie Brown. I think this is an adequate topic for the day. Lately I have been feeling less than satisfied. Not really happy. And I am not sure that if I do find happiness if it will stick because after all not everything is set in stone and is in constant motion. I have been married for almost 5 years. That might have some play into how I am feeling considering that my last marriage ended 15 days before my 5th anniversary. the memory of then might be getting to me but I know there's more to it than that. I wont get into the nitty gritty here. However, I can say that I would like to go back to school. I like learning and though it would make me happy to get on with my education, I have to think, will I be happy with everything afterwards. I know that I would like to feel more happy with some of the choices I have made and honestly I am not at this moment.

So what is happiness? It can't be bought that is for sure and I am not by any means a materialistic person. I have learned that life is not about stuff that you have though they do add to your achievements in life. They just show what you have done with it. Doesn't mean you are happy. Then again I know people who are not happy and have a minimalist home setting. I could go off on another topic about what a home says about your self and mine says quite a bit. Still, this one person who doesn't like to live with much and is "happy" not living with much is not actually happy with their own life. Then again I think that they keep it that way because they worry about getting hurt. I may not have a considerable amount in my oddly cluttered home (an oxymoron I know). But it isn't that I want more things. It can't be what can be bought that would make me, or anyone else who has learned enough, happy.

Happiness is not day to day things you have to do to maintain your life. Work, cleaning to make sure you house is clean (though it does help with stress not to have a messy home with the blinds fully open to let in some good old vitamin D), tending a garden (it's just for appearances sake anyway), or anything that may show that you are happy with your life. I have the theory that a woman's role (and men's as well) is her sanity. But there are two sides to the coin. It could also be their insanity. So I don't think that what you do to maintain you life can lead to being happy either.

Happiness can not be . . . settling for less than what would make you happy. Let me explain, you are over 30, you work a menial job that granted pays well but the hours are shotty, you cook, you clean, you take care of kids, you have a spouse that doesn't seem to appreciate much of anything, you have a broken down vehicle, you talk to family to keep up with what's what. You have to ask for help with just about everything and feel like you are the worst person ever for doing so. So you lay at night unsure if you should watch a movie or read a book. Sometimes you don't know what to do. You can't talk to anyone because it somehow makes it all worse. Depression? Yes. Could the person feel like they can't get any better because it feels like to them this is as good as it gets? A high possibility. So why settle for less? This could be the reason. I don't mean go out make big bucks, get a maid to do all the cleaning and a chef for your cooking, a 24/7 handy man when something breaks, a babysitter to do all what you do everyday no matter what (like a mailman) and a counselor. Though a counselor can't hurt.

Happiness is what can make you feel content in life. Busy or not. Some people are rightfully happy being busy everyday but taking a break is beneficial and should never be taken for granted. When you get to be thirty you can always look back on your life and pick apart what made you happy then. It could be the smallest thing. Or it could be everything. Maybe you made a wrong turn in life. Drugs, alcohol, abusive relationships (which I understand how tough it is to get out of those), or whatever. Go back to school if you need to. Get some new skills. Meet new people. Travel if you have the funds. take someone with you to share the memories. be sure to take photos because besides the ones you can talk about good times with, photos can be some of the best links to good times. If you think you are too wired, get rid what you can actually live with out and keep it to a minimum. Buy books and turn off the TV. Take a walk and forget the reality show (they'll just make you depressed and critical and who cares about being that into other's personal lives). Get a pet to be there when others are busy. Eat better (it really helps). Change jobs. Let the kids go on a vacation for a bit and write them and talk to them as often as possible. Hearing about their adventures can bring big smiles. Just make sure they come home. If you miss the religious sector then take it up again or if you want to venture to other beliefs and broaden your horizons, do so. I did and I don't regret it.

Happiness isn't about money, material objects, what you do day-to-day to maintain your appearance of how happy you want to be. It's about balancing your life. You need just as much positive space as you do negative (I don't mean bad, I mean filled). And if you feel crowded, then get uncrowded. Like Meg Ryan in Hanging up. Put down the dang cell phone and look around. Honestly, I fear people to become like the future cartoon characters in Wall-E. Don't you love it when movies mimic possibilities of life?

Also, if you have been living minimalist most your life and don't mind a bit of daily buzz of the city life, do it in moderation. You really don't want to get sucked up in all the hub bub. Eventually it gets old and I don't see how one can listen to noisy traffic at night anyway. This is my daily ramble. May you find your happiness. thirty or not.

Love as You Get Older

One thing I can definitely say about getting older is that your view on love totally changes. As children, especially us girls, we are mystified by princesses and fairy tales. As pre-teens we think the opposite sex is cute and often make innocent naive remarks about kisses and such. As teens we try so hard to fluff our peacock feathers and almost have a sun-dappled approach to love because we were given rose colored glasses to where. We soon learn that love is rough and crude as teens. unless we are lucky enough to have a smooth ride. Many of us don't get much of a ride and the rough and tumble ins and outs of relationship sociability may never come and so we are left with the want of a relationship when no one looks our way and thus self-esteem takes a hit. With it we can't understand why it happens and feel less than. As adults we try to take a more mature route to love and honestly in our twenties we make the most mistakes. We may marry and have kids once or twice. Then after that we develop an insight to love. Some of it universal to others' and some of it personal and relative to our selves.

For me, this is how it went. If it isn't you and love has been much kind to you in life, count yourself lucky. Growing up I had the typical presentation to all of it. Though oddly I was never the kind to think of that magical day and have a scrap book. It just never happened. But I did hope for the wondrous embracing love I read about and saw in movies. Though I had it rough. I was teased immensely as a child for being different. In fact, I recall rocks being thrown at me once. Boys teased me during dances. Fake little notes crept into my locker and were placed on my desk.  I created my own world in my head of love. But it wasn't easy. Coming from a broken home I was one of many who saw how much fighting was involved in relationships present and past. I tried my best to learn from this and not carry on the legacy of what my parents did. However, in spite of all this one, thing stuck out in my mind and would play a major key truth in my life the older I got, I had put some coins into one of those old machines that told your weight but also told you about how much of a love life you would have based on your birth information. I was given over and over again one answer: that I would experience many loves in my life but very few true ones. I remember being frustrated about this because I really wanted love in my life through all that teasing I received. It did nothing for my esteem and only amplified my feelings of low self-worth.

I grew. As we all do. I went through five relationships as a teen and have so far gone through three as an adult. The ones as a teen, well, one at least was a typical outcome. Girl likes boy, boy likes girl, girl doesn't want to give up herself to the first boyfriend, boyfriend dumps her and rumors began. The next boyfriend was the same. Only now he regrets how he treated me (it's amazing how maturing instills a since of humility in some). Then came boyfriend, of whom mothers everywhere fear. The older boyfriend (by five years I recall) who has a not-so-good rep. He was very attractive. But he was very into himself and the relationship ended, well, mostly on a mutual parting. I can't describe it in any other way. After him came the boyfriend mothers love. A JROTC but very eager to join the Navy and become a MP. We are still friends now and he isn't an MP but did join the service. He had manners and everything a Texas boy should be made of. In the end, he felt it best to break up and did it the mature way. He talked to me and didn't just drop the bomb. I will tell you this right now, it is better to to talk about it then to just do it. In very rare cases do you just leave. I did care about him but now am happy that he is happy. Then came a boyfriend I will never forget. I fell totally hard for the guy. We had an interesting relationship that I shall not describe so as not no offend involving parties. But I loved him greatly. He was a former Marine, six years my senior with dark blond/brown hair and these dark eyes. Mom thought he was a bit weird but she liked him. I knew why he left and I couldn't really blame him. It wasn't his fault and I hold no grudge. But I never, EVER forgot. the last time I saw him he was walking down the side of the road headed somewhere and I waved to him as I passed by with my parents. I was just about to be 18 at the time.

Then I was single for three years. I didn't date, I didn't flirt. I didn't do anything and didn't want a relationship. I finally went on a few dates and in the end I has made the mistake of my first personal encounter with a guy I thought liked me. I regret the whole night and truly wish I had never done it. But what can you do? I was hurt. I went on one more date with a sweet guy from the theater. But nothing clicked. It was my fault really. I made another mistake of going for a guy that would later become my husband and father of two of my children. The marriage would be more than a bust. It would be a scar defining moment in my life that I still am healing from to this day. I am now married but stuck in something I can only describe as a want of someone from my past and an inability to remove myself from my present.

Now, before I go into detail and then describe what I have come to be my thoughts on love now that I am in my thirties, let me say that I fear both parts of my situation. Because love has never been easy for me. I fear wanting someone from my past because I can't be sure of how it will go and I don't want disappointment anymore. I would rather break my own heart than go through it and to have it done by someone else. I have the inability to remove my self of my present because of fear as well. I fear somehow a mistake might be made. It has always been like me to love and care too much and it holds me back. The fork in the road has too many cracks on either side.

I found myself last night watching Shakespeare in Love and thinking about who I had seen it with originally. My heart ached painfully in hurt and painfully in bliss. Today I had to tell myself to break my own heart because before I could ever do anything, I had to work on a few things in my own life before making any rash moves. Not that I don't care about the person from my past. I am happy they have made an appearance in my life. He is the man that I had loved so dearly. The one who my mom didn't mind despite his . . . uniqueness. Which he still holds. I still love and care about my husband now. Very much. Yet he also holds himself back so much it hurts me. This is a very personal blog post. I hope it reaches those of you in a open-hearted manner.

Now, what I have learned about love is that it is never easy. Maybe for some but they just got lucky. Also, I have learned that just for me, love will never be as kind as I had hoped for and that sometimes I have to break my own heart just to save face. I do it almost everyday now. Because in my present moment, if I don't I will only keep on with factors that serve me no purpose and only hurt. As for my past, I cherish it with everything I have because it taught me a lot. I guess I am not so worried that love will never work out for me because it is part of who I am. Still, it fuels my book. Makes for a good read if you ask me because it is so bittersweet.

I hope those of you who read this, have love that is deep and warm and true. I hope you don't have to break your own heart.

Fun Blog Post Day!!!

Okay. Normally I don't follow celebrity gossip but today I couldn't escape the rush or talk about Kate Winslet's baby boy's name. I know people like to criticize names they her for kids but honestly sometimes a name you like might be well overused. Odd names may not mean so odd especially if you find out that in some other language, a name could mean something you would think is odd in English. I do not think the name Bear sounds odd at all. there are other people with the same name. Like Bear McCreary. A musician and composer. Now if you know the name you will know that he has done work for Battlestar Galactica and The Walking Dead. So would you really tell him his name is stupid? No. And most likely he'd tell you he likes his name.

Now let's go on with Beyonce's baby, Blue. Once again it isn't unusual. Other people with the given name Blue are, Blue Adams player for the Miami Dolphins. I don't think I heard wry remarks about his name. Or another football player now coach, Blue Howell.

The thing I believe people get hung up on is how they like to ridicule celeb's for what they do or don't do. Honestly I don't think any person who isn't a celeb would like to be picked at for stuff they do and whatnot. Why should we care what they name there kid? When I was first pregnant I thought of names that were different and unusual. I actually have a friend named, literally, Chrystal Clear Waters. Her parents were hippies. I knew twins whose names were Autumn and Forest Woods. I thought the names were unique. At least they would know who was talking to to just them in a room or crowd. A character I have in a book who is a representation is me is named Monday. I picked it because I have always felt like I was living various Monday's over and over again. My husbands ex's middle name was Rainbow. A good friend of mine has named her kids: Hawc, Falcon, and Swan. I wanted to give you a list of interesting names. I, for one, like them. And once I came up with with my adopted brother TJ.

Arrack - Like the fermented sugar cane liquor from Asia. I like it because it's a variant, if you think about it, of the name Eric.

Evra Clear - I made this one up once and I still like it. Go ahead, make fun. But even if you just say Evra, it's got a nice ring to it.

Lark: If you have watched Saved By the Bell the original series, you'll know that one of the actresses names was Lark Voorhies. It's the name of a bird, too.

River: I always liked River Phoenix's name. And I like his brother's name as well.

And a recent name I have heard. It's French sounds imply delicious: Cézanne. Pronounce, "say-zaughn".

So, let's not totally discourage parents and the names they choose. Let their kids do that. Because if they don't like it they can either change it or go by another name. After all their are people out there that may not like their name growing up, change it for a time, and then end up liking it again as they get older.

Living the 30's and the Unemployment Rate

21.2% of the labor 30-44 year old's workforce was unemployed in 2012. Equaling to about 12,835 of 60,544. http://www.bls.gov/cps/cpsaat03.pdf A majority of the unemployed is found under the 25-44 year old bracket. More of them being women than men. Men around 1,800 and women 5,000+ in that same age bracket. You can take this information anyway you like. Go political with it. Truth of the matter is, it's a very real situation. Even this year while helping out in the electronics section at work, working my first Black Friday EVER, I was told it wasn't as bad as last year. The only thing I could think was, "It can get worse than this?!" For a small town I felt like most of everyone was there. Looking at shopping carts full of toys, TV's, gadgets, electronic accessories, how is it possible that this could get worse. For four hours I was there, selling accessories and Xbox controllers, laptops, batteries. All of a mobile basket. I directed people to the hourly specials and where to to get bracelets and reserved coupons. Most of us, not myself, were working triple shifts that point in time. I know most of the 30-somethings at the store, so to look at the numbers, I feel shocked to know that they are as high as they are.

Your thirties is supposed to be this time in your life where things start to really take off. Only it isn't apparently. This ties in well with my last post of things that one should know and do in their 20's. It gets tougher in your thirties and if you think about it, it seems to linger into age the more you don't do something about it. I write today because this Christmas has been the worst i think I have experienced. Sure I had the one year where someone slashed my tires and that alone cost me a lucky $200 to replace the tires. This year, my truck is out of commission. Leaking fluid and the water pump has gone out. I am not good with vehicles. So I leave it to my significant other to tell me what's what even if I don't really know what everything is or where it is. To top it off I haven't worked much this month and am looking for replacement work. I have a lot of experience in sales, so while working to get a better education to better my future at a much older age than I really should have done it, I will continue to look in the areas I have the strongest skills in. I write, but this is much harder to make money at then selling something. Even in tough economic times. I really hope to reach the message to those in their 20's and tell them that they can have fun, but take your future seriously. And hopefully not many of them are teen parents. Now, hate me if you want when I say this, it's better not to be a teen parent and have to get through all this. I will say I am happy I wasn't a teen parent. But I was a young parent. I don't regret my kids. I only regret I started the important parts of my life late so that they can have better lives themselves. I don't expect them to have it better than me, though it is a plus, but I do expect them to feel like I didn't have to struggle too hard. Only enough but not so much that I feel like I might fail at all this.

As for the unemployment rate, well, I can only hope this doesn't go on forever. I've seen some improvement but it could be better. This is my banter for the day.

What You Can Do Still

Okay, I know many women out there say that there is so much you can't do in your thirties that you could do in your twenties. I coincidentally found a blog that is a big old. It hasn't been touched in three years. It is or was written by two women in California about their experiences in their 30's It's called "I'm 30, Now What?" http://iam30nowwhat.blogspot.com/ It only has 20 blogs. How ironic. One of the blogs was the second to last one they wrote. It was a part one of however many they mean to write about what they feel they can't do in their 30's that they did in their 20's. I decide to evaluate. Why? Because this is interesting and I can put in my two cents on each matter.

Not Being Able to Wear Tattered Jeans

What? I just wore some this past summer. Granted I have a bit of flab left over from my baby bump days but i still rocked some cute-ass jeans with a neon green spaghetti strap tee and a fishnet top with a bright pink skull on it with sandals. It was fourth of July. The shorts were SHORT. My hair was red and pulled into a pony on top of my head and I had my earth toned makeup on. I may have felt a little odd wearing it but I got some looks from younger guys and older guys at Walmart. My husband liked but was also on guard. So, not ALL 30's somethings fit the category of not pulling off a young look every once in a while. I just say don't make it a habit. I mean, we are Mom's.

Different Colored Polish on Each Finger

I don't wear nail polish because for some reason it has always bothered me and the oils on my nails always made the polish crack and peel. But I do have plenty of friends that still do this for special occasions like Christmas and Fourth of July. I think it's festive when done tastefully. It's just for most of older folk we prefer the manicured look. Though people like me don't care for that either and just do the all natural look and wear nothing.

Posing with Alcohol

Why is this a no for your age? I know men and women much older than me sporting their drinks in pics. My husband is a former member of the UMF and in ALL the pictures they post they aren't scared to have themselves and their wives posing with drinks. I was once of the youngest people there.  So I don't think really has an age limit. More like a personality preference. I'll gladly sport my drink in a picture for the fond memories I can look back on.

Not Apologizing

Okay true we are more inclined to apologize but then again I know little kids who apologize and they can pull it off.  But also, since when is it okay for anyone of any age to pull off not apologizing? And isn't it harder to accept an apology when we are older depending on the circumstance? When we are younger we accept apologies more often than we do when we are older.

Pajama Bottoms and Slippers in Public

I wear my pajama bottoms in public when it's Fall or Spring. Why? Because do I care? Kids only do it because they think it's cool. For the rest of us that do do it, we just don't want to get dressed if we are only going out for one stop or down to the gas station for a soda. Why get dressed up for nothing?

Pulling All Nighters

Depends on personality and the situation. Like if you are going to college and want to study, if you work night shifts (and you can't imagine how many of the older folk do this more than the younger twenty somethings), or if you have insomnia or a condition that affects your sleep, or if there's something big going on. Yes, you can pull it off. It's just on a regular day or night, we like to go to bed early and also I don't find it hard on my skin or eyes. More that it just gives me a headache.

I wish this little parter was continued. I would love to know what else they would list. Because I know it's from their experiences but I want to be more universal with my topics of being thirty and do comparisons and just give my insight.

Oh and I would love to give a shining example of a over thirty year old that can most likely pull all of this and look both professional and fun, young about it: Pink. I totally adore her and think it is just awesome of what she accomplished starting at such a young age. Sure she was more outrageous in her twenties but she has matured her funky look the older she got. Props to Pink.

What I Wish I Knew and Had Been Told In My 20's

I came across an interesting talk given by Meg Jay, a clinical psychologist of California. The topic of her speech, "30 Is Not the New 20". Before even reading the transcript as I find it easier than having more noise going with my kids watching ghost stories (they actually enjoy it), I thought about the topic and had to agree. 30 is NOT the new 20. I've heard it before and never quite understood it. To me it's comparative to that old saying, "There are starving kid's in China". My response once as a child was, "Well, then why can't we give it to them?" So my response to 30 not being the new 20 is, "Then why don't we give our 30's to the 20's?" What I mean by this is that twentysomethings should prep for their thirties because I so far have not found it to be a joy ride. Again, I am only 31 going on 32.

Jay told her story of how she started out in the clinical practice and how it seemed that at first 30 being the new 20 was true. Until she met a client later on that felt she had an identity crisis at the tender age of 25. Well, doesn't this sound familiar to me? I have felt that way for about three years. After feeling that most of my friends from high school had more of their life together than I had, I starting working on college. Better late than never, though I do wish I had started with college first before kids, but thus this did not happen and I do not regret my kids. Little did I know that much of my friends from high school, who are younger than me by two years (I graduated at a late age due to being held back when I was young), were just now going to college. So I wasn't alone in starting late after having kids. I am not saying having kids after 30 is something to be done since college is very important. I am saying that I could have just as easily ignored being to over zealous in my twenties and gone through college first like I'd originally planned and then have kids at 25 like I planned. I am also not saying that not living your 20's and partying aren't to be done. Go ahead, I don't care. Do a few dumb things but nothing so stupid you mess up your life.

Now reading Jay's transcript she noted that living it up shouldn't be extended another 10 years. Because in your 30's it's harder to start going to college, to have kids, to get the job you have always wanted, etc. And IT IS. There are more bills, more responsibilities already added on. the suggestions jay gave were to claim your adulthood: Do it now so that you can have an easier 30's, get identity capital: start on an internship take safe risks that will define more of who you are later on, use weak ties: expand your social network because using friends of friends that you don't know very well can actually help you look for work (this by no measure means to ignore your close friends, just expand who you know), pick your family: I have a few friends that I call brothers or sisters that aren't blood that I can still lean on for support, and don't regret not getting to know what you didn't know or didn't do.

I sort of claimed my adulthood. Though I just wish I had gone to college sooner so that I could have a better job now. Doing it while having a young family isn't easy though I was young when I started having kids. I am barely starting to get my identity capital. This also hasn't been easy as I have to compete with people younger than me already doing this. I know what jobs would help me with my education and hopeful future profession but it's harder getting into it at my age. Pursuit of Happyness may have shown that it is never too later to start getting an identity capital but it also showed how hard it is starting late. I have expanded my weak ties and it did help me get a second job for six months. I may have to do it again to get better work as I am unhappy with what I do now. So I understand how valuable this can be. I also have weak but strong ties in writing and I should hone those ties to get more side work. I have talked about my family already. As for the last part of not regretting what I didn't learn or do, well it's too late for that. But I hope to make up for it now. I try to learn something new everyday because as my step-father says, the day is not complete unless you do learn something new everyday.

Oh and also Jay recommended working on your marriage before you get one. Not necessarily like marriage counseling but working on the type of relationship you want. Avoid the toxic relationships. If it isn't working for you don't settle. This is something that may only be learned but it should be strongly emphasized to students in school. They have early intervention parenting classes with babies an eggs, why not learning about marriage also? Like the episode of Boy Meets World when Cory and Topanga had to pretend to be married and work out how the marriage and parenting would be. It isn't easy and they had to work on themselves. If only I had the chance to do this in school and not as a small project but as a year long academic plan. It should be required in school if you ask me. Along with early intervention of being a parent.

Well, I think today's topic was great. Now, here is the link for the video and transcript for Meg Jay's talk http://www.ted.com/talks/meg_jay_why_30_is_not_the_new_20.html

Having a Laugh

I need to bring myself out of the irritated mood I am in. Things for a short hour got too noisy and I was happy to have the kids go to bed while my temporary roommate went off and did his own thing and my husband played Diablo III. I have an interesting household. So, in order to bring myself out of this mood, I had two ideas: write more of my blog and write more of that novel I have been working on. Possibly both novels. I intend one to be a series as it would most capture the attention of a potential audience.

I wanted something to write about in my blog. Once more I took to Google. I found a wonderfully hilarious blog by a slightly older than me woman who writes about a variety of subjects. I love the title of her blog here on Blogger: This Mid 30's Life by Rachel of Australia. http://www.midthirtieslife.com/

Though she hasn't written much in the past year and not since this past June, I still enjoy reading her blog posts. Her blog on what it takes to keep romance alive was something worth chatting about. She gave 7 tips to her readers and I wanted to comment on them via my blog. So Rachel if you read this, I hope you enjoy.

Learning from fortune cookies. I love this advice. But also I would like to add having fun with them as well. It has been tradition of mine for well over a decade to add, "in bed" at the end of each fortune read. It makes for a good laugh. So adding that the fortune can be good advice is a good tip and makes an easy way to add a laugh.

You aren't just a parent and shouldn't call each other Dad or Mom when away from kids. Good advice. I haven't done this. Though it makes me stop and think of how many people actually do it.

Spending time together is essential. Yes, it is. I try to get time in whenever I can. I like it best outside of the home and when the kids are asleep with the sitter in another room watching television. We don't get the chance to do it much and it wouldn't be easy to just book a vacation. For one we aren't terribly rich and two I am the most picky person ever since I have three great challenges for kids: A very smart first born who loves to help out with everything and play games A LOT; a special needs child; and a over active three year old that has demands that he feels should be met NOW. It's not easy balancing all three.

Let the housework go. I badly need mine done. If I don't I go nuts because I can't stand seeing something on the floor or I can't stand not being able to find something or that something is in the way. If I had it more organized like my slightly OCD mother I don't think I would feel this way and letting it go just a bit wouldn't be so hard. But I will say that my house is not as bad as some parents I know. As for how immaculately clean a house can get with kids, yes Rachel, how do they do it? They must be OCD like my Mom. Though I kind of don't mind how my Mom is about it. She isn't paranoid about it at all but she does get upset if it isn't done right the first time or if you absent-mindedly forget. Other than that I think she is quite tolerable in comparison. But I will say a man who does cleaning around the house is very attractive and it is very true that men who do so get more out of it in the end.

Be nice. Hmm, that is a toughy. Especially when it has seemed that pent up frustration has surfaced because one or both of you has neglected to express themselves in a healthy manner. I know this from experience.

Talk. I think this is the most continuously offered advice about relationships out there and think it should be on top with being nice coming second. I have had to regularly remind my husband of this. Because you never know when something might be exceptionally hard to talk about and you have to not only talk you have to listen. And be nice about it. It's a delicate balance between the three.

Rachel I enjoyed coming upon your blog and hope that you return soon. I could definitely find myself chatting with you if we were closer. You are very laid back and easy going from what I have read in your blogs thus far.

The Truth About the Pros of Being in Your 30's

I decided to look up "Life in your thirties" to see what popped up. I got a few websites. One had a list of 27 aspects that are underrated. I decided that that meant that they aren't as well talked about as say, your life gets better in your thirties than it was in your twenties. Which I say is overrated as not everyone experiences this. I don't think I will comment on EVERYTHING on the 27 list. So I think I'll minimize it to ten.

1. You don't put up with other peoples BS anymore.

Well, I think it depends on the type of BS you are talking about. Anything that is more like high school drama is out of the question though if you have kids close to being a teen themselves you wont get away from it for very long. Not dealing with as much BS also means your circle of friends gets smaller. Mine is fairly small and I talk to more of my old friends from before my thirties. Now, as for the kind of BS you do put up with but in a more mature manner is the kind that you can't escape. The kind only family can give. Yes, you can avoid what you don't want to deal with. Like my step mothers alcoholism. Which is interesting considering I am majoring in psychology and neuroscience. I'll have to deal with it eventually. I guess it's just too close for comfort. Though I will state right now it isn't something to ignore being that I am the step-daughter.

2. When something bad happens, we don't dwell like we used to.

HA! I worry more now then ever. I have to. Otherwise I wouldn't be a good mom knowing that some of the docs I come in contact with are complete idiots and I have to work my way up to 5th opinions. Now, it should say, don't sweat the small stuff like you used to. Like who has the better car, the newest watch, the latest gizmo. Though some people in their thirties have an ego and they worry about it anyway mostly because they are trying to make up for what they lacked before. Seriously, to you people who are like this, CHILL. You'll work yourself to an early grave.

3. At work YOU'RE the boss.

Not completely true some of us may not be the boss until we are in our forties. Like my Dad who is lucky enough to have been his own boss for the past fifteen years or so and he is now 54. He is an entrepreneur. I am only partially my own boss at my own job. I have a boss but he lives out of state so I am responsible for making sure I get to work on time, do the job right, and close up properly. I still have to report top someone but not on a regular basis. For the type of work I do, I don't want to imagine how long it would take to actually BE the boss. This is why I am looking to replace my work. I miss working with people. It makes the day go by faster.

4. Dating is more direct.

What?! Okay I recently ran into my ex from fourteen years ago. he is still damn attractive. He may have a kid but relationships and dating are still difficult. I think it varies person to person. I had more trouble with relationship when I was younger, yes, but it isn't easier now. If I were to become single, it'd be harder in a different matter due to the fact I have kids and have to put them first. It makes it harder because some people don't grow up for a long, long time. To my ex, you'll get there bud.

5. Your relationships are healthier.

Okay I can understand the truth to this. It's true for the most part. Mostly with old friends of which you had a falling out with. You mature with time and forget the past. You chat and support each other. You relate to each others issues. Now when it comes to personal relationships, it depends on so much more than the fact you know what you want and go for it. If you are without kids its easier to do. But no relationship is without it;s difficulties. I wont say that relationships are healthier per se but more understanding of what a good relationship is brought to the table. That's if you've learned from your mistakes. Since it's December, I can say that even Scrooge learned this late in life. His relationships were slightly more healthy when he was in his thirties than in his sixties (I'm guessing his age on this in the book).

6. The sex is better.

Yes and no. Yes because you know what you like and no what to give in return. No, because it is proven that more women in their thirties start to lose interest. At what particular age I can't be sure but I know more women in their thirties, while enjoying the sex they did have more than before, also didn't need it as often as they did in their twenties. Unless you have issues that range from mild to . . . more than mild.

7. You friends are getting married = More reasons to get drunk.

Where did this come from? I think we had more reasons to get drunk when we were younger. Most of the time now it's just to have fun and reminisce about the past and act like we used to. As for those like my step mother who have a problem, there isn't a set reason. There really isn't a reason. It's a problem. Also, not everyone gets married in their thirties. Me and my friends first got married in our twenties. Or as for one friend, when she was 18. Any of us who get married in our thirties, it is most likely not the first time. And we don't get drunk for that reason either. The last wedding I was at had no alcohol.

8. You start getting along with your parents because you don't ask them to take care of you.

Again, WTF? No that isn't the reason I get along with my mom. I get along with her because I have matured and understand why she tried to tell me certain unalienable truths about growing up when I was younger. Yes, she helps me when I NEED it not when I ask for it just so I can ask. But also, I can't live with her for too long otherwise we fight like we did when I was younger. Whoever thinks this is a pro to being in your thirties is an egotistical, self-centered dimwit who can't possibly be in their thirties. And if they are I feel bad for them. They must have been a brat as a teen. Hey, I speak honestly.

9. You make better friends.

A few but most of my best friends who are the most awesome people are the ones I grew up with not the ones I met when I got older.

10. You aren't afraid to let go of the friends who aren't good for you.

True, very true. But I did that a LONG time ago. Still, you do know who to hang with and who not to hang with. Though I have met a few people who haven't gotten that memo. They aren't bad for it. They just want friends. One recently got burned because the friend they made was too young for starters and had issues that ended up in a bad situation which they regretted. I can only tell that person, I told you so. But I love you anyway because I'll still be here for you because only good friends will forgive your mistakes and help you through.

The rest of the list from number 19 down to 27, I just laugh at. Mostly because not all of it is true. Like not caring about your fitness because you think you're more hot now than ever. Correction more people give a care about their health as they age. And more exercise because of this and they eat better.

For the rest of the list here is the link: http://www.buzzfeed.com/erinlarosa/underrated-things-about-being-in-your-30s

Perimenopause In the Thirties

I kept being told that I am too young for perimenopause.  The sad part of it, it isn't so uncommon or unheard of. There are just a small group of women that go through it so young and an even smaller group that go through it while still in their 20's given that they have medical issues tied to the onset. I fear my only blood related sister will have this unfortunate happening since she suffers monthly cysts that burst and leave her in pain. It has been determined that she has a condition where she can grow hair rapidly and not just on her head but in awkward spots. It comes in thick and she suffers migraines. Her condition is very different than mine. I forget the name of the condition only that recall it being mentioned in Red Book about seven to eight years ago. I believe my sister may never be able to have kids. As for me I have had plenty of issues since i was a young teen.

I wont go into my medical history but I will only talk about being young and perimenopause. It started last year in September. I kept track of my time of the month. It never showed up. It has been well over a year and nothing has improved. I have had some spotting. I suffer headaches beyond my comprehension, mood swings that don't go well with already having severe depression. I have many of the symptoms that women experience just before they settle into full menopause. i have read that being like this can last from as little as a year to ten years. My mother was in her late 30's when I noticed her change. She didn't believe me and we fought much of the time due to her mood changes. She felt everyone was attacking her when actually we only wanted to let her know what it was.

This phase of life honestly scares me. It's not something most women look forward too. The hot flashes the night sweats, the inability to sleep proper. Headaches are known to happen and when you have a family history of them, they don't get any better. The lack of sexual desire has bugged me the most. Luckily, my husband hasn't held this against me. He hasn't hit any biological change just yet and he should be so lucky. LOL Because after all the changes men go through, I can only imagine how he will take it.

I write today because the changes have hit me hard lately and during the time of year that stress hits a high. My headaches seem to go away with a strong headache pill only to come back a short time later and strike me right behind the eyes and surge down my back and neck. I not only dislike how I feel about being in my thirties, dislike my job and hope to change it soon to add on top of everything, dislike how this month seems to be the hardest I have ever experienced, I dislike how my body seems to turn on me and not act like my friend. And yet I continue to treat it like I were young only because I never got the chance. It's like an identity crisis of sorts. I refuse to take medical to have things "normal". I only take a headache pill and try to get a good nights rest. This last part of hard due to a three year only who wakes up at night from nightmares and also wakes up early no matter the time in which he is put to bed.

I hope my day gets good. As I have had good news already and it can only continue to have good news.

The 30's Crisis and the Dreaded Gray Hair

I was reading that premature gray hair for some one of my nationality is before the age of 20. Now, I have met very few people fitting that category. I also know a select few that started to go bald or get thin hair at that age as well.  For many of us, the sign of a gray hair means we are getting old. It's more of a joke to get it from stress and though science is inclined to say that stress isn't scientifically proven to cause gray hair I feel that some, it is true. before I get on talking about my newly found gray hair, I will state that one of the survivors of the Titanic, I forget his name and shall have to do a look up, actually had a full head of white hair very shortly after the tragic incident. And he was considerably young. He had a hand in the creation of the Titanic so I imagine not only being a part of the history of the making of the ship but also being part of the history of the ships demise, the stress must have been outstanding.

For a few months I have spotted several silver or purely white hairs on my brown/black and slightly red head of hair. I dye my hair a lot so I have several colors. It began when I was working two jobs and barely sleeping. All the while of coming home for four hour intervals taking care of the house and the kids. Just today I spotted another short silver, wiry strand. I plucked it with the tweezers and took a pic. Making sure to share with friends on another social network.

I am not sure what to think of gray hair. I am still young at the age of 31 in many respects. I don't know many people my age with gray hair. Most of my family began getting gray in their 40's so I would have to say I am one of the few. It makes me wonder if what is considered premature on a larger level can be considered not so premature on a personal family history level. My husband is still in his 20's and I see gray hairs in his beard on a regular basis.

So what does this mean in getting older? Honestly I can't say. As said, I don't know how to feel or think about it and I don't know what it means in getting older. Only that once it starts, it is non-reversible genetically. We can only do so much when it comes to hiding gray hair and most of the time is has to do with hair dye. I know that we begin losing the pigment that which makes up our hair color as we get older.

Still, this is my short stint for the day. I do apologize for not writing for the past five days. It has been a stressful month or so. I thought about writing last night but didn't want to get up from bed. I was comfortable and tired. LOL I will say this about my hair, just because I am starting to slowly gray, I still plan on living what I couldn't in my 20's. . . edgy haircuts and hopefully dying my hair the one of two colors I have always wanted to do: blue or purple. I also want to dredd my hair just so I don't have to brush. When you have worked two jobs at the same time, anything that minimizing being ready in time is a plus. What are your coming of hair age stories?

The 30's Crisis: Day In the Life Of . . . Well, Me

I may not have an exciting life. Though oddly it has enough drama to be presented on Maury. But I wont get into that. I present to you today, one of the many days I live. Not always daily but fairly often. It's what I dub the "I'm on the Phone! Shush!". Most commonly heard by my kids who along with other kids seem to know that they get those most annoyance out of their parents when they are on the phone. Today, as on most Phone Days, I am calling bill companies, making appointments for the family, inquiring about information of some relative sort and updating family. The last part of course done last. Sometimes on these days I get to add in appointments, work, errands, cleaning, cooking, and writing. Much of which happens several times a week.

So what exactly do I need to do today, since I am the only one in the house who does these things (sorry hubby but I know the couch and video games are you BEST friend)? I will be calling the cable company to try and schedule a payment. I am behind but I haven't worked much and want to switch to an office job but in order to do that I must have training. I will be calling the Internet company to work out payment as well, same reasons but also I do need the Internet as it is the only way i can log into and out of work. You can do that? You ask. Yes, I am what they call an Event Specialist and our company is contracted with Wal-Mart to commonly demo food products or GM products, hand out coupons, and on the rare occasion help Wal-mart sell products. As we recently merged with another company and so it is required. Just this past Thanksgiving, the day before Black Friday, I helped out the electronics department. I hope to never do it again. Going off subject of my day-to-day. Then I will be calling a company that helps combine our gas and electricity to see if they got my enormous 30-page fax and if not to redo it. Then there is the phone calls to the state inquiring about child welfare in regards to my niece. I wont be stating what for only that a certain parent needs to do their job as everyone is worried. While I am trying to change jobs I will be looking for one for temporary purposes.

I work between one and four days a week, six hours a day at $13 an hour. Sounds wonderful and it is if you work the full four-day week. I used to work two jobs but my anxiety level could only handle so much and a quiet panic attack occurred. I was working a total of 15-hour days with only two days off. I got maybe 2-4 hours of sleep between my jobs. Which was hell since I was also the only one making sure the kids went off to summer school, were feed, clothed, bathed and whatnot. I love my husband but he isn't the best helper. After the panic attack I switched to the easier job. I am happier but finances are still difficult. I admit I miss the $2000+ a month income. But I don't miss the stress. So you could imagine on the days where I had to make phone calls or both phone calls and everything else under the sun, that I was dog tired. I had to buy Dr. Scholl's Gels for my shoes and knee and back braces for all the pain I was enduring. And to let you know I am a petite person. Though petite isn't accurate. I won't say small because then you might think in stature.

But now with so many days off I may enjoy it but I know I can't live this way either. Hence why I make so many phone calls in a week. I try to make my life better. I could only wish i could finish my education. I hope to do so after taxes.

In other parts of my day I will need to upkeep my kitchen and office and front room and bathroom. I need to deep clean the kids' rooms and my own room. Christmas season is here and I still don't know where to put the tree after getting new used furniture from a neighbors yard sale. To add to my daily list I will need to continue potty training my son, help my oldest with her homework, and give uncomfortable medical care to my child as well. As a parent of a special needs child, for me at least, it seems there is always something new to add the the list. We've recently found out my daughter has Mega-Colon (an easier term to explain) and Sacral Hypoplasia. It has taken many doctors and long years to finally have someone take me seriously about her medical conditions. Her medical needs add to my daily life. I know that others have it more rough than I and I feel for them.

This is a small glimpse into my daily life.

Experience of Age: A Plus During the 30's Crisis

One thing I have learned in life is that the phrase, "If I knew then what I know now" is always going to apply to life and honestly if any of us knew anything now then, then there would be know point of learning from your mistakes because the wisdom and knowledge you had would be beyond your years but you never learn anything new. It is much better to reflect, though not too deeply as it is not a good idea, and learn. Getting to your thirties seems to have a person do a lot of reflecting. Because as a child, you only reflect to learn good and bad, as a teen you reflect to find your place socially, as a young adult into your twenties, well for me I don't think I did much of that during that time. I can't say how many people do much reflection in the point in their lives as they are starting out in their adult lives and living it. I have mentioned what many of us experience once we hit our thirties. I'm still starting out in this so I hope to tell what I experience to you as the topic doesn't seem to be tossed about too much. What I have come to realize today is that my experience with depression growing up and the hardships I faced are of much of my reflection.

My niece is a sweet and amazingly beautiful young fourteen year old. I worry about how much older she looks as since she doesn't really know what to do with it and it tends to land her in trouble. Mostly because she is taken advantage of and she lets it happen. Looking for acceptance in the wrong places because of it. her life hasn't been very easy. her mother is a drug addict who neglected her and her younger brother. God knows where her mother is now. I remember her well. She seemed to want a life that later on she abandoned after giving birth. Leaving my brother to raise his child alone. My niece, let's call her Grace, has long since been an individual with ADHD. Now that she is a teen it only plays into her issues of trying to break away from her dad. Because like many teens, they want to be separate from their parents and be grown up. It really isn't all that glamorous and I'd rather just read a book and watch old time cartoons. Sadly, these need to be separate has her down a very destructive path of drugs and self abuse of her own flesh.

Now, while the drugs concerns me because of her tender age and the fact it could lead to something more severe, it's the self abuse she inflicts upon herself with anything sharp with with an eraser attached. The other day she caught me on my lunch break at work and came running up to me and hugging me. If I'd been standing I surely would have been knocked over. She was with some friends. Now, it was just the tip of the iceberg that her behavior was more erratic than usual. I could only think of a particular drug that would have done this but I wont say what. it was when she took off her coat complaining that it was too hot that I saw her right arm. I didn't say anything. It was so badly cut up that a wood chipper might as well gotten a hold of her. After she hugged me again and left with her friends, I extended my lunch break and called my parents, who in charge of her care since her fathers seems to have just abandoned her. That's another story. I told them what I saw and they understood my concern. As I suffered from my own issues as a teen and knew full well that if something wasn't done, it could lead to something worse if intervention wasn't taken. I will be making phone calls to see if I find a way around getting her help since her father refuses to sign paperwork allowing it under my parents consent. My niece is mad at me for saying anything. But any honestly caring person would say something and have to deal with the anger of a teen. I know from my own experiences that this is nothing to ignore.

This is one of the things I wish I could change about myself. I regret very few of my actions as a teen but then again I wouldn't be where I am and I have a better understanding of life because of it. Getting older does this. For some, it takes a while to get to this point for others they get here sooner than they may want. So while my nice may hate being confronted in more care than trying to hurt her, she doesn't realize than experience on the subject does matter and that's why as we get older, we can use our experiences to help the younger generation understand that we aren't the bad guys. Yes, there really are some, but let's not include those. I hope that everyone as they get older don't try to criticize what they don't understand even with concern. I also have experienced this. Maybe some of us who are the good guys never went through the same or similar difficulties, but it nonetheless doesn't mean we don't care.

I love you my niece. I hope someday you'll look back and know that what I do is out of love and I never wanted to hurt you.

The 30's Crisis, Motherhood, and Coffee

Still new to the whole being in my thirties and I know it wont get any easier. I hate the stories of life gets better. Maybe for a select few but honestly among my friends of the same generation, we are inclined to disagree. We are mothers, fathers, workforce members, homemakers, we go to college, or not, and we drink lots of coffee that might as well be the blood that runs through our veins because it isn't just our morning cup of Joe. Coffee is our source of sanity that warms us from the inside. It helps that it is basically one of the three major legalized drugs humans consume each day. I don't mean that coffee itself is a drug but the caffeine that is in it, even in minute traces of the decaf variant, is a drug. The other two are tobacco and alcohol.

The ways that life doesn't always easier is how jobs for those of us went to school are harder to get. many of us have to go back to school or if we hadn't already we make plans to go just so we can get better jobs. The job markets today want experience and education. It's pretty much a requirement. Not that I for one think that it is a bad thing, only some of us already have so much on our plate. Work and kids and other important bills. You see jokes about young adults going off to college only to come home with student loans that they have to pay back only they can't because they are still young and thus need experience. It is the same for some of us who are older. I for example am majoring in neuroscience and psychology and hope to a PhD in both. The field is highly paid and well respected. Many of my friends are majoring in medical. And I will tell you a secret, I never really wanted to go into the field but had inspiration from my handicapped daughter. I can't say what the generation younger than us is majoring in majority wise. I do know that many of us older folk may feel like it is the young people getting jobs out of college that we would have never dreamed existed 10-20 years ago. We are in fact in competition for high paying jobs with the younger generation ONLY if we have experienced a decrease in demand with our field of expertise OR if we need to acquire new skills due the demand of those skills. Now, don't get me wrong. I am highly in favor of bettering education and in better education for students younger than 17.  Still many of us between the ages of 30-40 and possibly older don't know really of what to think of going back to school to acquire skills to get ahead and to get better pay. After all the cost of living is constantly rising and it can be easy to find that you can move from socioeconomic class to another simply because your income, occupation, and education are considered lacking based on the socioeconomic scale. All-in-all to top off getting to an age that you actually begin to miss your youth and freedom from responsibilities, you have to keep moving forward and feeling ever-yet older than before.

Which brings me to the subject of Motherhood, for the sake that I the blogger am a mother and in no way mean to offend fathers as many now can relate to the experiences many mothers live each and every day, and how it seems that even if we may have started young it seems girls much younger than us are becoming mothers. Begging the question of: why? It is already hard enough to be a working parent much less imagining a teen parent having to work, go to school, and still somehow believe that they can keep up with the high school social status that had before children came into the picture. It simply isn't that easy. I never lived my 20's and so if I happen to have enough money to dye my hair or get a tattoo or piercing, it is simply because it is a rare luxury and not something I or anyone else going through similar predicament feels is a must in order to show we are still the same person as before while being a working parent and attending school. I for one have no need to keep up with fads as many teen parents try to do. I could only partially wish and also warn teens of the challenging matter of being so young, working and trying to finish school if they happen to be the parents of a disabled or developmentally challenged child. Combining for the older folk having to deal with this a mix of wishing they had had it as easy as their younger counterparts while competing for jobs that are almost required to get ahead of the curve through higher education and training and being a parent to a children who may or may not be disabled or challenging.

Thus, we need coffee and not the more unhealthy energy drinks. I never understood why anyone in their 20's or younger has to have an energy drink just to get through their day when the rest of us could only wish for part of the amount of energy they have without energy drinks. Also, why do parents let their 12 year old's drink that stuff any way? I understand that some kids are pushed to compete to be better just to get academic free passes (as what I call them) into college and that's why they may feel they need these drinks. I never had to go through that and I don't believe my mother had to either. We had to get loans and work our way through school. Besides, energy drinks in some states require an ID for anyone above the age of 21. Coffee is the one thing more adults have been known to drink a lot of just to get through their day since the 1980's. When some of the best jobs were found in an office or in stock (back when the movie Pursuit of Happyness really did depict it correctly, you didn't need much schooling for).

I will conclude my blog for the day.